Financially Handling The Loss Of A Spouse

Intro: Welcome to the Christian Financial Perspectives Podcast, where you will learn what the Bible says about stewardship and finance. Here you will gain insight, wisdom, and knowledge of how to integrate your Christian faith with your finances. Here’s your Christian Financial advisor’s host, Bob Barber and his co-host, Shawn Peters. Shawn: Welcome to another episode of Christian Financial Perspectives. We’re so glad that you joined us. My name is Shawn Peters, and I’m joined, as always, by my esteemed co-host and father-in-law, Bob Barber. Today we’re gonna be covering a difficult topic on the financial handling of the loss of a spouse. And if you do enjoy content from a Christian perspective on finance, we’d love for you to hit that subscribe button. We’re trying to help educate other Christians on how to glorify God through their finances. So today, Bob, do you think you’d give us a little bit of an introduction? Bob: I sure can. Shawn, this is a very hard subject to talk about, no doubt. But it needs to be talked about. It’s very, very important. One of the things is, as I was putting this together, I realized how even though some of you, many of you, have not lost your spouse, it is very important that you still listen to this program because as my pastor always says, “Death is hovering somewhere around the 100% range.” It’s gonna happen to us all. We’re also gonna speak about divorce ’cause that is the loss of a spouse. Hopefully none of none of you have gone through that, but we know the stats and it does happen, and we’ve worked with a lot of people that have divorced. And unfortunately, and I hate to see that within the Christian community, because we know in God’s word the two become one. And when they pull apart, it’s like if you glued two pieces of paper together, Shawn, and they were different colors – a red and blue, and you pull ’em apart, there’s gonna little be a little bit of the red on the blue and the blue on the red. And so this is a very, it’s hard to talk about this, but it’s very important, especially in the financial arena. Shawn: That’s right. And so really this is gonna be covering the financial steps that need to be covered as soon as possible after a loss. Again, whether that’s loss through death or through divorce. Bob: And I wanna say, those of you that have recently lost a spouse either through death or divorce, we are so sorry. And we handle this with grace and love the way that Jesus Christ would want us to handle this. So we know that your life revolves around your spouse. I mean, it does for both of us. And I mean, I’m having at least two meals, many times, three meals a day with my wife, and we’ve been married for 39 years. We’re just part of each other after this long. Shawn: You lose a spouse and it’s like losing a limb. Bob: Yeah, it is. It is. But while finances can be hard to talk about, it’s very necessary. And during that time, wise guidance and counsel is critical. Shawn: That’s right. Bob: And some of these financial things, unfortunately have to be handled immediately while others can be delayed. Shawn: Yeah, that’s right. Okay. So, we try to emphasize, if possible, to refrain from making any major financial decisions until life has kind of settled down from the loss, as well as keeping your finances very confidential, except possibly with maybe one very trusted family member and a trusted financial advisor. That’s something that it’s just really important because if all of a sudden you start sharing, oh, look at the life insurance payout that I got, or look at the money that you got because of the divorce. All of a sudden, you’ve got cousins and long lost friends and relatives and all these people that you know, well, they have something they really need help with, or they’re sick. Bob: Want to start a new business. Shawn: They wanna start a new business. Bob: Yeah. I’ve seen that a lot. Shawn: Then of course, then you feel guilty because if you don’t want to help them, then well, you’re not a good person. And the reality is it’s none of their business. Bob: Yeah, that’s right. I think we picked some really good scriptures to go with today, Shawn. I always pick on you for reading the scriptures. So if you don’t mind. Shawn: Because I just have such a beautiful voice, right? Bob: You do. It’s so great. . Shawn: Alright, well let’s go with the first one, Psalm 34:18, “The Lord is near to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” That’s a good one. Psalm 73:26, “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” And finally, Matthew 5:4, “Blessed are they that mourn for they will be comforted.” Bob: From the beatitudes in Matthew, yeah. That is such a good scripture. I think these are great scriptures to focus on during a tough time like losing your spouse. So we’ve compiled a list of 10 things and we’re gonna go through these 10 things now that I’ve made from many years of experience that need to be taken care of as soon as you mentally and physically are capable of doing. Notice I said emotionally capable, too, because it’s gonna take some time to get over a loss many times and you never get over that really, you never do, but you just have to learn to live life without that spouse. But that’s very, very difficult. I’ve seen this from many years of being in the financial services business, Shawn. I mean it’s been over 30 years and we have quite a few, and I help walk them through this with a lot of grace, understanding, and compassion that’s greatly needed in this time. So, let’s get on with the list. All right. Here’s the 10 things that you need to think about. We’re gonna share ’em, like the first two or three or four are gonna be for like, if you just lost a spouse, and then we’re gonna get into the divorce point and then we’ll come back. Shawn: Exactly. First get with your financial advisor if you have one and they are fiduciary based, or find a well experienced fiduciary based financial advisor along with a trusted family member, if you have one, to help you assemble all of the following things we’re gonna be covering. Bob: And then we might want to define what fiduciary means. Shawn: I was just about to ask that. So, do you mind defining that for those who maybe haven’t seen some of our other episodes? Bob: Sure, sure. So a fiduciary based advisor does not handle any commission based products. Okay. So they’re not motivated to try to sell you a particular product. You are the one that pays the advisor, just like if you were to pay your CPA a or an attorney. Shawn: You know, maybe it’s by the hour or it’s for X amount for your tax return. Bob: It could be a certain fee. But you pay them, they’re not paid by a product company to sell that. Shawn: Yeah. I think the most common example… Bob: Which can create a major conflict of interest. Shawn: Exactly. Okay. The most common example that people fall victim to, unfortunately, are things like fixed index annuities and variable annuities. And it’s not that all these different products that have a high commission don’t ever have a place. But again, when it comes down to it, if the advisor’s not a fiduciary and they’re being compensated 10%, well are they really giving you the best advice for the life insurance payout that you got that they want you to put all into a product that’s gonna pay them 10% of that value? Bob: Yeah. Shawn: Well, you already have enough going on with the loss of the spouse. Don’t add insult to injury and work with a non fiduciary advisor. Bob: The second thing is, and a fiduciary advisor will help you this with this or a CPA or like we say, a very, very trusted family member that’s already well off financially, preferably if you have that. Form an updated financial statement of all your assets and your liabilities to get a handle on your complete financial picture. And that may not be easy, but with the help of someone experienced, that can help you do that. Shawn: Yeah. And so of course part of that is gonna be, which kind of goes into number three, you wanna form a list of all the financial accounts, so bank or credit union accounts, brokerage accounts, savings, retirement accounts, along with any monthly or annual statements as well as get current balances. Bob: The fourth thing would be that you look at all your sources of incoming monthly income and where is it coming from? These might be sources like social security or a pension plan, like the loss of your spouse may have had a pension plan or was getting social security and that may stop now or like if they’re getting social security and yours is less, you’ll be able to get theirs, but you won’t be able to still get yours. Okay. Many of those payments are made in advance. So what I mean by that, if you lost your spouse on the 15th of the month and you’ve gotten a payment on the fourth of the month, you’ve gotten, that payment was in advance because that was for the whole month. And some of that may need to be returned. I’ve seen that. If that spouse lost was receiving Social Security benefits, you need to get to the nearest Social Security administration office and tell them they need to be contacted immediately. And you may have to give some back. You may not. Shawn: So the other thing is make sure you get a list of all of the outgoing monthly expenses. You wanna make sure that those are listed and totaled so that you know what it is, especially if you are the spouse that was not typically handling the expenses and the budgeting. The one thing that would be really helpful for that is get the last three to four months of bank statements, because then you can kind of look through and see, all right, what are some of the things that are recurring on each statement. Bob: You should see an average of what exactly is being spent each month with the last three to four months of bank statements. Because I realize, remember when we made the program called what was it? Budgeting… Shawn: Budgeting Without Numbers. Bob: Budgeting Without Numbers. Yeah. Shawn: In this case, you are gonna have to use numbers. Bob: You are gonna have to use some numbers. But I realize that the majority of you are not budgeters . That’s just life. I sit across from you every single day, so I know. Alright. Number six. Shawn: All debts and to whom they’re owed, along with the financial terms, need to be listed out. Bob: Yes, they do. Absolutely. Now the next three of these are in the event of a loss of a spouse, but not a divorce. All right. So number seven is with the loss of a spouse, is the estate planning documents, like the will, the trust, any limited partnerships, you need to get those together. You need to get ahold of a reputable attorney. Hopefully, you have one. If not, we may be able to help you with one or you can go to Kingdom Advisors. This is a great place to go and find a local Christian attorney, hopefully within your state, that can help you with the probate and estate planning if this is gonna be needed. And it is, in most cases, it’s gonna have to be probated. Alright? Shawn: Yep. So the next one is get at least 10 copies of death certificates for all the financial accounts and the insurance for claims that require an original or a copy for moving accounts into your name only. And the reason why we say get 10 is because like some of them, you actually have to send an original. Bob: Right. Some you don’t. Shawn: So you know, you may as well just get a bunch of copies all at once so you’ve you’ve got ’em on file for if you need ’em. And that’ll help kind of speed up the process, because that’s usually what delays it is everything’s ready to go, but you don’t have the death certificate and then you have to try to get another copy and then you’re just kind of sitting in limbo and waiting. Bob: And like I’ve got here in our notes, Shawn, is that some of these accounts may be locked up to until the probate processes completed. Okay. And the ninth thing, so these three that we’ve just listed, for if you lost your spouse, make a list of all your in-force life insurance policies and you need to make a claim with the insurance company for the death benefit that that’s gonna be paid out. And again, this can take some time, this might be three to five months. Shawn: Yeah. Make sure you make that claim ’cause it’s not like the life insurance company wants to pay . So the sooner you file the claim, the better. Bob: I just dealt with this with a client two days ago and it was, this was an annuity death benefit paid out. Mm-hmm. And the death benefit was higher than the contract value by quite a substantial amount. I mean by like $300,000 or $400,000. They did not wanna pay out that death benefit. And the daughter got involved in helping the mom and she said that she had to call them numerous times because they were having to come up with that money. But they finally did get it. Shawn: Oh, weird. It’s like the insurance companies won’t take your money, but they don’t actually wanna pay out when it’s actually owed. So the 10th one, after all the above is completed with the help of a well experienced fiduciary based financial advisor – I know we’ve hit on that a lot – and possibly a trusted family member. You can start to get all the bank and credit union and brokerage and retirement accounts and all the other assets like real estate and cars titled into your name only. Bob: Yeah. And there are many other items we’ve not discussed today. These are just 10. Shawn: Yeah. I feel like these are kind of your top level. Like if you can at least get through these, it’s gonna get you in the right direction. Bob: It is. And it’s gonna get you pretty far. And this is overwhelming enough as it is when you’ve lost a spouse. So like we’ve said at the beginning, I’ve helped many surviving spouses over the years, or those that have gone through a divorce, get their financial life back in order and it can take a while. So just realize that we’re gonna handle it here because because we’re Christian based with much grace, a lot of grace, compassion. We’re not gonna be throwing darts, if it’s a divorce, at the other spouse. I’m gonna tell you that right now. I mean, I’m just not gonna do that. It just needs to be handled with grace on both sides, and we’re gonna help you use wisdom and we’re gonna do this slowly. This not all has to be done immediately. A lot of these things do, but when I say slowly – over a couple month period, two or three month period. Shawn: Exactly. And it’s not gonna all be in one meeting, in one day. Bob: So, all right. So Christian Financial Advisors®, we do have the experience and we have the knowledge to help you. Plus, we’re just fiduciary based. We don’t offer any commission-based products, so we’re not motivated to try to sell you something. Again, if your present financial advisor that you’re using is commission-based, I would suggest you try to find a fiduciary based advisor. If it’s not us, then another fiduciary based advisor. Look for that word “fiduciary”. That’s what’s very important. And if you would like a list, a copy of what we talked about today, these 10 things… Shawn: It’ll be on the podcast description. It’s also gonna be on our website. It’ll be in the, it should be in the description for the YouTube video, so it’s kind of all over. But if for whatever reason you can’t find it, you can also visit our website, www.christianfinancialadvisors.com. You can also call or text us Monday through Friday, 8:00 AM to 5:00 PM (830) 609-6986, and we’d be happy to help you. I think that about wraps it up for today. Again, we know this was a hard conversation or topic to cover, but we hope that this has been helpful and that this will bless you. Or if you have someone in your life that’s going through this, maybe you can kind of help them through this. So thank you for joining us and God bless. [CONCLUSION] That’s all for now. We invite you to listen to all of our past episodes covering many financial topics from a Christian Perspective. To make sure you don’t miss any of Bob’s upcoming episodes you can subscribe to Christian Financial Perspectives on iTunes, Google Play Music, Spotify, or Stitcher. To learn more about integrating your faith with your finances, visit ciswealth.com or call 830-609-6986. [DISCLOSURES] Investment advisory services offered through Christian Investment Advisors Inc dba Christian Financial Advisors®, a registered investment advisor registered with the SEC. Registration as an investment advisor does not imply a certain level of skill or training. Comments from today’s show are for informational purposes only and not to be considered investment advice or recommendations to buy or sell any company that may have been mentioned or discussed. The opinions expressed are solely those of the hosts, Bob Barber and Shawn Peters, and their guests. Bob and Shawn do not provide tax advice and encourage you to seek guidance from a tax professional. While Christian Financial Advisors® believes the information to be accurate and reliable, we do not claim or have responsibility for its completeness, accuracy, or reliability.